Get Down To The HAM HAM BOOGIE!
by Bleeding Wings
Summary: The unthinkable is here.  Two of the coolest anime shows are about to face off in the greatest battle of their lives!  It's Cowboy Bebop vs. Hamtaro  Who will prevail?  Find out for yourself!
1. Spike opens Pandora's Box! Pray for the...

Ladies and gents, you're about to read the unthinkable. If you're tired of reading so much drama and need a few laughs, then this is a fic for you. Have fun... heheheheeeh....  
  
**Disclaimer** I don't own Cowboy Bebop, Hamtaro, Final Fantasy VII, Dragonball Z, Outlaw Star, Marvel Universe, Playboy, Penthouse, Kirby, Beyblade, the Gundam seasons, Digimon, Pokemon, Berserk, Ultimate Muscle, Transformers, Devil May Cry, or The Big O.  
  
  
  
  
Title: Get Down To The HAM-HAM BOOGIE!  
Author: Bleeding Wings  
Genre: Humor  
Rating: PG-13 for foul language and Ham-Ham mayhem  
Summary: It's just another day for the Bebop posse. But when a very special package was delivered to the Bebop, the whole damn show will never be the same! Why, do you ask? You'll see... :)  
  
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"All right, Faye. Whenever you're ready..."  
  
"I'm as ready I'll ever be, Spike..."  
  
"Ya sure you can handle the way I move?"  
  
"Why don't we find out the hard way, big boy?"  
  
In the training room, Spike and Faye circled one another, doing their best not to leave any opening for a strike. Both fighters in their gym-wear bounced on the balls of their feet and kept their fists up, keeping their eyes steady on one another.  
  
Faye, wearing her red spandex shorts and black tank top, shifted her left side as her lead side when she focused on her master. Spike, wearing a black eye-patch on his left eye, had on black sweatpants with a tight white tank top, keeping his right side as his lead and wearing a smile for his pupil.  
  
"Come to me," Spike said kindly.  
  
"You ask for it, Spike!" Faye exclaimed. Faye let out a battle-cry and lunged right for Spike. Faye delivered a right front kick to the head, followed by three fists and a wild spin-fist. However, wearing a smile, Spike danced around all of Faye's techniques. Seeing that smile on his face, Faye growled to herself and lunged for Spike again. With all her might, Faye threw a powerful right fist toward Spike's jaw.  
  
Spike's eye widened. When the fist was about to connect, Spike stepped to the side, grabbed Faye's fist and twisted it, having Faye spin forward out of control and crash into the wall. Faye ended upside down, with an expression of frustration on her face.  
  
"Oh, man! Why can't I lay a hand on you?" Faye asked herself angrily. Spike chuckled to himself and helped Faye up.  
  
"You were the rock, and I was the river. The river will always overpower the rock, no matter how huge and tough it is," Spike said.  
  
".... Come again?" Faye asked, feeling a huge question mark pop over her head.  
  
"You were tense, Faye. You put too much tension in your body, therefore letting me take advantage of your unneeded energy and turning it against you. As Bruce Lee would put it, water is the most powerful element in the universe. You have to learn to flow like water," Spike said. Faye raised her left arm and sniffed herself.  
  
"Yick. Speaking of water, I need to take a shower. We must have been training for hours," Faye said. When she wiped the sweat off her face with her towel and threw it around her neck, she walked to Spike and brought her nose to his.  
  
"Later tonight, come to my quarters. I'll give you a workout you'll never forget..." Faye whispered. Spike smiled and felt his face flush lightly. In an instant, Faye stood on her tippy toes and kissed him.  
  
"In a way, Spike, you're much sexier with that patch on. Take care, Cowboy..." Faye said sweetly, tracing her finger on Spike's cheek before leaving the training room. Spike felt warm all over as he touched the very area Faye touched.  
  
Suddenly, he heard a childish giggle coming from outside the training hall. Who he saw was a red-head, 13-year-old girl giggling and pointing at him.  
  
"Oooohhhh! Faye-Faye got the hots for Spike! You and Faye-Faye are gonna make a lot of lovin' tonight! And you're gonna have lots of babies like a pair of bunnies-"  
  
"YOU'RE GONNA PAY FOR THAT, EDWARD!" Spike shouted. When Spike started running towards Edward, the young girl let out a screech and started running off. Edward's got a lot of speed, but running from Spike was like running from a cheetah.  
  
Suddenly, Edward came to a full halt and leaped onto Spike, wrapping her arms and legs around him.  
  
"Spike-person, can Edward ask you a question?" Edward asked.  
  
"Uh... sure. Fire away," Spike said.  
  
"What happened to your left eye, Spike? When you lost your eye, you're just not the same as you use to be. In a way, you're more... grown up," Edward said.  
  
"Look, Edward. When you're older, I'll tell you how I lost my eye, okay?" Spike said.  
  
"Well... uh... OKAY! As long as Spike-person's happy, Edward happy too!" Edward detatched herself from Spike and ran down the halls, heading for her Tomato laptop and her highly intelligent pal, Ein.  
  
"So full of optimism. Man, I really envy her," Spike said to himself.  
  
"Hey, Spike!" Spike turned his attention to Jet's voice down the hall.  
  
"There's a delivery guy outside lookin' for ya! He says the package is for you, and he's not gonna accept 'no' for an answer," Jet called out.  
  
"Okay, Jet. I'm headin' up."  
  
-----------------  
  
"Spike Haruna Spiegel?"  
  
"Yeah, that's me."  
  
"Perfect. There's a case with your name on it." The Bebop floated comfortably on the seas of Ganymede, one of the loveliest cities of Jupiter's moons. As Spike inhaled the fresh sea air, the delivery man stepped out of his space delivery cruiser and handed Spike a case made of pure steel. The delivery man grinded his teeth and felt his legs about to give in to the case's weight.  
  
"If you don't mind... I'd like you to take the damn thing!" the delivery guy uttered. Spike took the case and carried it with ease.  
  
"Man... what have you been eating? That thing almost weighs a ton!" the guy exclaimed. Spike smiled to himself.  
  
"I take in a lot of Vitamin C and do a helluva lot of one-arm pushups. You should get yourself into shape," Spike said.  
  
"So you're a descendent of the Harunas. I'll pray for your soul after you open that case," the delivery guy muttered.  
  
"What did ya say?"   
  
"N-nothing! Well, it's time for me to go! GOTTA RUN!" Without waiting for Spike's signature, the delivery guy hopped into his ship and blasted off into space.  
  
"Damn... he acts as though I'm holding a thermonuclear bomb."  
  
----------------  
  
"WOW! WHAT IS IT, SPIKE? WHAT IS IT?" Edward asked.  
  
"Hey, settle down, Edward. I'll open it in just a moment," Spike said, undoing one lock at a time. Jet and Faye walked into the main lounge, catching Spike opening the case.  
  
"Hey, Spike. What's that you got there?" Faye asked.  
  
"Hmmm. That must be the case delivered to Spike. Judging from what the case is made of, it must be pretty damn important," Jet said. When Spike undid the final lock, Spike opened the case. A cold mist escaped the opened case and filled up parts of the main lounge, sending shivers to all the crew members. Within the case, there were 14 small capsules inside that were shaped like soda cans.  
  
"... how weird. Let's see what's inside each of these capsules," Spike reached into the case and grabbed a capsule for observation.  
  
Spike breathed on the capsule and wiped off all the frost. What he saw within the bottle was a hamster with dark-orange fur in a deep slumber. Spike noticed something else. Wiping more frost away, he saw the creature's name.  
  
"... Hamtaro. Cute name. Why in the world would they go through all this trouble to put a bunch of hamsters in cryogenic freeze?" Spike asked himself. Suddenly, Jet, Faye and Edward felt fear spear its way into their bodies. All three of them backed away from the case and huddled into a corner together.  
  
"Uh, what's the matter with you three?" Spike asked.  
  
"Spike... step away from the case! Those aren't just hamsters! They're freaks of nature! I heard legend that those hamsters have the power of speech and intelligence, perhaps even higher than that of normal humans! WE HAVE TO KILL 'EM ALL BEFORE IT'S TOO LATE!" Jet exclaimed.  
  
"Spike, Jet's telling the truth! I remember those damn things back in the late 20th century. Every one of them has a unique attribute, and the fluffy white one is the most dangerous! For the love of God, DESTROY THEM ALL!" Faye said.  
  
"... and what about you, Edward? Don't tell me you're gonna buy all that nonsense," Spike said. Holding onto Jet's waist tight, Edward shook her head.  
  
"Edward doesn't know a single thing about them, but Edward's not gonna take any chances!" Edward said. Ein walked right into the main lounge to find his bone, but he then walked to Spike and the case.  
  
"How about you, Ein? What do you think?" Ein got closer to the capsule of Hamtaro and took a sniff. Suddenly, Ein let out a bark and licked the capsule. Edward shook away the fear and carried Ein into her arms.  
  
"Well, if Ein's okay with it, then Edward's fine with it, too!" Edward exclaimed.  
  
"That's settled, then. Three to two, in favor of unfreezing the little critters. Time to let 'em loose and see what they're made of," Spike said. Faye and Jet let out a scream.  
  
"IT'S THE END OF THE $#%^'in WORLD!" Faye screamed. Spike pressed the button underneath the capsule, unlocking the capsule and letting out a gust of frosty air. Slowly, the hamster known as Hamtaro crawled out of the capsule and ended up in Spike's palm. Hamtaro's vision was blurry at first, but seconds later his vision returned to normal. In front of his little eyes was a young man with a patch over his left eye and funky black hair. Spike felt his very soul light up at the sight of the little hamster.  
  
"Awwwww! He's sooooo cuuuuute!" Spike exclaimed. Hamtaro let out a screech and leapt out of Spike's hand. Hamtaro immediately pressed the button of every other frozen capsule, sending a major gust of frost throughout the entire lounge. None of the Bebop members could see through the mist, but they did hear a lot of little feet pattering out of the lounge. When the cold mist cleared, all of the capsules were empty.  
  
".... Spike, what have you done?" Jet asked, feeling his hands tremble.  
  
"... we're all gonna die. Every one of us..." Faye whispered.  
  
  
  
  
... to be continued.  
  
Be afraid.... be very, VEEERYYY afraid..... 


	2. The Ham Hams throw the gauntlet! The Be...

"AAAHH! WHAT'S THAT?"  
  
"It's the doorknob, Faye. Just calm down, will ya?"  
  
"That's easy for you to say, Jet Black! Ever since those hamsters escaped their crygenic freeze capsules, there's no telling what the hell those agents of evil can do! I... I SEE A SHADOW MOVING!"  
  
"That's YOUR shadow, Faye."  
  
"... oh. I knew that."  
  
Faye kept as close to Jet as possible, daring not to let Jet leave her all alone down the dim halls of the Bebop. Silence slithered down the steel halls, casting an evil eye on the footsteps of Jet and Faye.  
  
Meanwhile, deep inside an unused airvent underneath the floor of the kitchen, 13 little hamsters were doing their best to comfort one another. Bijou, Maxwell, Sandy, Penelope, Cappy, Dexter and Panda scurried through the bedrooms, tore up some clothing and made it their own rags to get themselves warm from the cryogenic freeze. Hamtaro, Boss, Howdy, Oxnard, Stan and Pashmina stormed the refrigerator and got all the food they needed. The hardship was overbearing, but through Hamtaro there was still hope in survival.  
  
"... how long has it been since we slept?" Hamtaro asked, feeling another chill surge through his body. Bijou snuggled up to Hamtaro, hoping that would help them feel a little warmer.  
  
"I... I'm not really sure, but it definitely must have been a very long time, maybe longer than anticipated," Bijou said. After Maxwell gave out all the rags to his fellow ham-hams, he walked to Hamtaro and Bijou and gave them the biggest rag to cover them both.  
  
"T-t-thank you, Maxwell. You guys sure picked the right rags to cover us up," Hamtaro said. Hamtaro knew that huddling together could help them get warmer, but Maxwell knew that thick fabric would do a much better job at getting their temperature back to normal. Maxwell sat next to Hamtaro and Bijou huddling together.  
  
"... I took a good look at the calendar in one of their bedrooms. It seems that we've been in cryogenic freeze for over 70 years. It was very brave of Laura and Mrs. Haruna to put us into cryogenic sleep and keep us out of those evil scientists' hands. If it wasn't for your family, we'd definitely be used for further experiments," Maxwell said. Back in the year 2000, Laura Haruna's mother was a great scientist who discovered the true nature of Hamtaro and all his friends. Unfortunately, a dark organization captured the Clubhouse and did horrible experiments. Feeling that the evil organization could kill them, Mrs. Haruna put Hamtaro and the rest of the Ham-Ham Clubhouse into cryogenic freeze and kept them safe in a secret location.  
  
But there was still so many questions left unanswered. Why in the world were they put into such a deep sleep in the first place? What was the real reason as to why they were separated from their human families? Who was responsible for taking them away from their homes and perform terrible experiments on them? What makes them so damn special?? Maxwell continued to ponder.  
  
Maxwell's deep thinking was interrupted by a thumbnail filled with water. Maxwell took the water kindly from his fellow ham-ham.  
  
"Thank you, Boss. I really appreciate it. Is there more for the others?" Maxwell asked.  
  
"There oughta be, Maxwell. There's fruit punch for Cappy and Penelope while the others are having either soda or water. Man, I really miss the outdoors," Boss said. Boss and Maxwell heard someone sobbing really hard. When they turned their attention to the source, they saw Oxnard crying. Pashmina and Penelope tried to comfort him.  
  
"... Conna. I... I miss her so much. Where is she when I need her the most? She... can't be gone. She CAN'T!" Oxnard lowered his head and cried on, feeling his very heart shatter into thousands of pieces. Many of the other ham-hams started to cry as well, knowing how painful it is to be ripped away from their human friends and knowing they could never see them again. As Bijou cried, Hamtaro held onto her and let her cry on his shoulder. Hamtaro felt his eyes begin to water, but he refused to cry.  
  
(Laura was brave whenever she was in trouble, so I have to be brave, too!) Hamtaro said to himself. Boss, unlike the others, was a field-hamster. He never had a master, but it still ached his heart to see all his friends heartbroken and homesick.  
  
"THAT DOES IT!!" Boss blasted, ramming the edge of his shovel and causing an enormous clang. All of the hamsters stopped their crying and focused on the biggest hamster in the group (12 cm is pretty big for a hamster.)  
  
"What does it, Boss?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"We've been pushed around by those humans long enough! We've been ripped away from our homes, gone through many experiments and barely live to tell about it! Well, I think it's time for PAYBACK!!" Boss shouted. Feeling his anger fuel him up, his eyes of rage started to glow as red as shining rubies.  
  
"... yeah, I know what you're sayin', Boss. I'll never forgive what they did to Jingle! He was an artist, and for that, those evil human scientists tore him apart! They were nowhere close to being as kind as Laura's family!" Stan said, feeling his eyes of rage glow hot red. One by one, almost every ham-ham let their rage get the best of them and let their red eyes glow the night away. Only one word escaped through their lips:  
  
"... Vengeance... vengeance..."  
  
"... Guys, what's got into you? You're starting to scare us," Bijou said. Hamtaro and Bijou started to shiver, but it wasn't from the cryogenic sleep. It was from the the rage that engulfed everyone else. Cappy and Penelope quaked with fear from the sudden change of the Ham-hams and sat close to Hamtaro and Bijou. Leaving Hamtaro, Bijou, Cappy and Penelope behind, the other 9 formed a line and marched out of their hiding spot. Boss, the last to leave, turned his attention to the remaining four.  
  
"We're not gonna blame you for not coming with us. You guys can just stay here and guard our new home. As for us, we're going to war, and we're not gonna take any prisoners..." Boss scuttered away and caught up with the others.  
  
"Awright, ham-hams. Let's unleash hell...."  
  
Hamtaro, Bijou, Penelope and Cappy were left to hold the fort.   
  
"... oh, Laura. If only we knew why those scientists took us away from our homes. It was really brave of your mom and dad to rescue us and keep us out of their grubby hands," Hamtaro said to himself. A question suddenly hit Hamtaro out of nowhere, a very big question.  
  
"I FORGOT! WHERE'S SNOOZER?!?"  
  
  
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"Geez, it's about time Faye got into her own room. I thought I needed to use a crowbar to pry her off me. Talk about being a major scardy-cat," Jet said to himself. Feeling that it's bedtime, Jet headed down the halls to his own quarters. As he walked on, he noticed a bunch of magazines on the way down. The iron-armed bounty hunter got a better look at it as he looked down on the pile, and the cover put a really mean grin on his face.  
  
"Playboy. September 2071. Time to check out the playmate...hehehehe...." When Jet picked up the magazine and flipped through pages, he saw a shadow underneath him growing bigger and bigger. Then a wheezing sound started to ring louder from above. Jet saw what was about to come down on him and let out a scream, but he was too late. A huge, black piano fell right on Jet, causing splinters to scatter throughout the halls and making a real skin-crawling tune to echo throughout the halls. Eventually, everyone including Ein rushed to where the accident occurred.  
  
"... a piano?? Okay, this is getting really weird," Spike said. The Bebop gang heard someone mumbling underneath what's left of the piano.  
  
"Oh shit. It's JET! Let's get him out of there!" Faye and Spike opened the piano, finding Jet inside with stars spinning around his head and 10 ivory keys in his mouth. After reaching full consciousness, Jet spit the keys out.  
  
"WOW! Your head must be as tough as steel! It's almost as though we're in a cartoon!" Edward said with energy.  
  
"Hey, you all right, Jet?" Spike asked.  
  
"... yeah, I'll be fine." Jet stepped out of the piano and shook off all the splinters.  
  
"OKAY, WHO THE #*@%'IN HELL IS RESPONSIBLE FOR THIS?! WHOEVER SET ME UP IS GONNA PAY BIG TIME, AND I DON'T MEAN WITH WOOLONGS!!!" Jet blasted.  
  
"Hey, there's a note on the piano," Faye said. Faye snatched the note off the piano and read it to herself. After reading the note in crude Japanese, Faye suddenly turned as pale as a ghost and froze. Not liking Faye's reaction, Spike took the note from Faye and read it to himself. Suddenly, Spike's eyes widened.  
  
"What does it say, Spike?" Edward asked. Without saying a word, Spike showed the note to Jet, Edward and Ein. It said:  
  
  
  
TO ALL YOU PATHETIC HUMANS:  
  
YOU THOUGHT YOU COULD PLAY WITH OUR LIVES. YOU THOUGHT THAT JUST BECAUSE WE'RE HAMSTERS YOU CAN DO AS YOU PLEASE. THE BALL'S IN OUR COURT NOW, YA WORTHLESS PIECES OF GARBAGE. WE GOT THE BRAINS, THE ENGINEERING, AND THE WILL TO SURVIVE! WE'RE GONNA LET OUT ALL OUR ANGER, AND ALL OF YOU ARE OUR PRIME TARGETS.  
  
TIME FOR ALL OF YA TO DIE....  
  
  
Sincerely yours,  
  
The Ham-Ham Clubhouse.  
  
  
  
  
With a grin on his face, Spike crumpled the paper up and tossed it away. Keeping that smirk on his face, Spike drew out his .45 caliber handgun and loaded it with a fresh magazine.  
  
"Let 'em all come. Those little rodents are goin' down."  
  
  
  
... to be continued. 


	3. Jet Goes Ballistic! An Amazing Ham Ham ...

"YEAH! I'M WITH YA ON THAT, SPIKE! WE'RE GONNA WHOOP SOME HAMSTER ASS! THOSE FURRY, UGLY MIDGETS ARE GOIN' DOWN!" Jet shouted.  
  
"When we're through with them, we're gonna have alot of Ham-Ham barbeque! Grilled hamsters on a stick! YA HEAR THAT, YA LITTLE MONSTERS?! YOU'RE ON OUR MENU!" Faye shouted.  
  
"YES! NEVER SAY NEVER! THERE'S NOTHING TO FEAR BUT FEAR ITSELF! KILL 'EM ALL! LET GOD SORT 'EM OUT!!" Edward exclaimed. Jet whipped out a pair of 100-pound gatling guns, fingers lightly on the triggers. Faye buckled three belts of grenades on her torso and waist and held a grenade in each hand, ready to pull the pins and blow them to kingdom come. Edward wore an hankerchief around her neck and whipped out a knife and fork, ready to dig in. Ein strapped a gigantic cluster bomb onto his back, ready to go kamikaze on the ham-hams.  
  
"... I'm not in the mood. Let's go to bed."  
  
Everyone collapsed onto their faces from Spike's words.  
  
"ARE YOU NUTS?? Those little rodents are ready to tear us to pieces, and you want a nap??" Jet asked.  
  
"My thoughts exactly! It's your idea to blow them away, Spike!" Faye said.  
  
"Look, guys. What's the point of finding those little guys at this time of night? It won't be that hard to find them, and it's getting pretty damn late. If we're gonna find those hamsters, we're gonna need all the sleep we can get. Let's just hit the sacks, okay?" Spike asked. The other four turned their heads to one another, thinking of either hunting the ham-hams down or getting rest to feel 100%.  
  
"... okay. Let's all get some sleep. My eyelids are gettin' heavy," Jet yawned. Eventually, everyone went to their personal quarters and hit the beds. Everyone, except Faye. Never feeling so terrified, Faye headed for Spike's quarters and knocked onto his door. Spike turned the knob and slid the steel door open.  
  
"Hey there. Something the matter?" Spike asked.  
  
"Spike... can I sleep with you?" Faye asked. Spike's eye widened.  
  
"... sorry, Spike. That didn't come out right. It's just that I don't feel safe sleeping all by myself. I let Edward sleep in my quarters so she won't worry about being attacked out there in the halls," Faye said.  
  
"No problem, Faye. You can sleep on my bed while I sleep in my sleeping bag. That way, I won't violate your priva-"  
  
"No, please don't. I..." Faye started to feel heat rush to her face. She looked down to the steel floor and started to nervously rub her left arm.  
  
"... I want to feel your body close to mine..." Faye stepped into Spike's quarters and slowly closed the door behind her...  
  
  
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"Oh, man. All that excitement gave me the major case of the munchies. There's no way I can sleep with an empty stomach," Jet said to himself. Letting out a big yawn and scratching his ass, Jet headed right for the kitchen. As he walked down the halls, he spotted a Penthouse magazine lying in the middle of the hallway. Jet saw who was on the cover, and very image sent great heat rushing to his face.  
  
"... oh no. Not again. Gotta... gotta fight it!" Jet clenched his fists and turned away from the magazine, hoping temptation won't get the best of him again. On the cover was Suzuka, one of the best assassins from the outer reaches of the universe. Jet slowly turned around and took another glimpse at the magazine.  
  
"... Twilight Suzuka Coming Out of the Closet. Sizzling Moment With Melfina..." Jet read on the cover. The iron-armed bounty hunter clutched onto his head and let out a scream.  
  
"I CAN'T TAKE IT ANYMORE! I GOTTA TURN THE PAGES!!" Jet screamed. Wearing a mean grin, Jet ran for the magazine and halted inches away from it. Chuckling to himself, Jet slowly bent down and reached for the Penthouse Magazine.  
  
A clear cable caught Jet by the ankle and quickly hoisted Jet off the floor. Jet was completely caught off guard and dangled helplessly in the air.  
  
"HEY! LET ME DOWN!!" Jet shouted. Suddenly, he heard the patter of little feet heading his way. When he looked to his right, he saw 9 tiny shadows heading his way, carrying a bunch of huge sticks with them. One of the weapons looked like a bat with nails.  
  
Turning 90 degrees and entering the hall Jet was in were 9 hamsters, armed with axe handles and bats. Going 'budda, budda, budda', the Ham-Hams surrounded the dangling Jet and raised their weapons.  
  
"Awright! I heard that there are a lot of goodies inside that guy! If we hit him hard enough, he'll burst and we can get all the candy we can eat!" Howdy said.  
  
"For once, Howdy, I'm with you on that!" Dexter said.  
  
"Uh, don't you think you should wear a blindfold?" Oxnard asked as he held onto his sunflower seed. Oxnard decided not to bring a weapon because he was afraid of losing his sunflower seed, and it could be the only one left in the entire galaxy.  
  
"Who needs a stupid blindfold when we can watch this human suffer? LET'S WHACK HIM!" Boss announced. At unison, the Ham-Hams whacked away at Jet. Feeling the burn in their whole upper bodies, the Ham-Hams did all they could reduce Jet to a pile of beaten-up meat. Not taking anymore of it, Jet whipped out his gatling guns and aimed them right at the hamsters.  
  
"PAYBACK TIME, YA DAMN FREAKS!" Jet pulled the triggers and blasted away. All the Ham-Hams let out a screech and scattered. Going 'diggy, diggy, diggy,' the hamsters found their hiding spots and hid from the gunfire. Jet shot the cable off his leg and landed back on the floor. Not giving anyone any rest, Jet continued to fire away.  
  
"AAAAAHHH! WHERE IS IT?! WHERE IS IT??" Oxnard screamed.  
  
"Hey, what's the matter, Oxnard?" Pashmina asked.  
  
"I... I LOST MY SUNFLOWER SEED! I CAN'T LIVE WITHOUT IT!!" Oxnard shouted. Oxnard looked around hysterically to see where his seed went. Oxnard finally spotted the seed and was about to jump out of his hiding spot, but Boss and Stan restrained him.  
  
"Yo, Ox! You nuts or somethin'? You're gonna get killed that way! That human is a living WARPATH!" Stan shouted.  
  
"He's right, Oxnard. You have to stay until he's out of bullets," Boss said, ducking his head from another spray of fire. By the time Boss finished his sentence, Jet accidentally shot the sunflower seed and reduced it to dust. Oxnard saw it happen, and he felt as if the whole world froze before his eyes.  
  
".... my sunflower seed. No. NOOOO! NNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!!!!!!!!" The pain of loss speared its way into Oxnard's heart, ripping screams out of Oxnard's very mouth.  
  
Jet spotted Sandy, Howdy and Dexter scuttering for another hiding spot, but Jet spotted them easily. Jet stepped into their path and pointed his powerful gatling guns at the three helpless hamsters.  
  
"... time to send you to Heaven..." Jet said with a grin. Jet slowly carressed the triggers, ready to blast away the hamsters. Suddenly a great scream echoed throughout the Bebop, followed by a horrifying quake throughout the Bebop. Jet almost lost his sense of balance and turned to see where the scream was coming from. Who he saw was Oxnard, surrounded by a poweful golden aura. His coat shined like gold, and his eyes were as green as emeralds. Oxnard bravely stomped his way towards Jet and stared into his eyes with pure rage.  
  
"Hey! What happened to Oxnard?" Panda asked.  
  
"Uh oh... he's not a Ham-Ham anymore. He's a... a SUPER HAM-HAM!!" Maxwell announced. Everyone was awed by Oxnard's tranformation.  
  
Without giving Jet a chance to think, Oxnard leaped into the air and rammed is fist into Jet's face. Jet felt Oxnard's mighty fist and got rammed through three walls. Losing his firearms, Jet slowly opened his eyes and shook off the dizziness. When he opened his eyes, Oxnard phased right in front of Jet's eyes and hovered in the air. Oxnard lifted Jet off the floor by the shirt and beat him down to the ground like a dusted up rug. Oxnard then twirled Jet all around like a ball and chain and threw him through another wall into the main lounge. All bloodied up, Jet tried to get up, but he had no strength left. With a blurry vision, he saw all the ham-hams surrounding him with eyes of dark intent. Oxnard grabbed Jet by the collar and stared coldly into Jet's eyes.  
  
"That's what you get for messing with Oxnard's sunflower seed," Sandy said.  
  
"Hey, mister. Do you eat pretzels?" Oxnard asked quietly.  
  
".... yeah," Jet replied weakly.  
  
"Well... prepare to BECOME one!" Oxnard blasted.  
  
A gut-wrenching scream blasted throughout the halls of the Bebop, but no one was around to hear it...  
  
  
--1 hour later--  
  
  
"Oh, man! I thought we'd never get his body uncoiled from that shape!" Spike said, wiping the sweat off his forehead.  
  
"I know what you mean, Spike. Those Ham-Hams really mean serious business! That's the first time I ever seen anybody shaped like a pretzel!" Faye said. In Spike's quarters, while Spike and Faye were almost done bandaging Jet up like a mummy, Edward was on her Tomato laptop in search for answers about the Ham-Ham Clubhouse.  
  
"Hey, Edward. Any luck on hacking through for the 411 on our little monsters?" Spike asked. By the time he asked, the computer lit up with new information.  
  
"OOOHHH YEAH! Edward found something! Come see, come see!" Spike left Jet to Faye and walked behind Edward to check what's on the screen. Noticing Spike's scent, Edward started to feel a tingle throughout her body and started to blush. Spike didn't notice.  
  
"Uh, Spike? If you want to, you can come closer to the screen. The words are pretty tiny," Edward said quietly. Shrugging his shoulders, Spike got closer to the screen and sat close to Edward. Edward turned away slightly so Spike wouldn't notice her reaction.  
  
(What... what's happening to me?) Edward asked herself.  
  
"Hmmm... so that's who was responsible for the Ham-Ham Clubhouse's odd behavior. According to the screen, it says that they were an experiment for some scientist known as... Hojo, head scientist of a powerful organization known as Shinra. I've never heard of this organization before," Spike said. Edward's eyes slowly turned from the screen to Spike.  
  
"... I've never seen such beauty before..." Edward whispered, yearning to run the tips of her fingers around Spike's face and down his chest...  
  
"Uh, did you say something, Edward?" Spike asked. Edward's eyes widened, and her face flushed the color of a fire hydrant.  
  
"N-NOTHING!! I-I-I'll get down on the hackin'! Edward need to look deeper into into the Clubhouse! I'll WORK ON IT! WORK ON IT, YES I WILL!" Edward blurted. Edward grabbed the Tomato and slammed it away from Spike to get back to work. Spike raised a brow and walked back to Faye, who was done bandaging him up.  
  
"I'VE HAD ENOUGH OF THIS! They messed with the wrong father-figure! I'm gonna layeth the SMACKDOWN on those balls of shit!" Faye blasted. Before Spike could stop her, Faye ran out the door and shut it tight. With eyes down the dark halls and three belts of grenades fastened on herself, Faye grabbed a pair of grenades and wore a grin of bloodlust.  
  
"Ham-Ham Clubhouse... you're the Main Course...."  
  
  
  
.... to be continued. 


	4. Enter Faye, the Mad Grenadier! Little '...

While Spike snores away in his bed and let his head hang over the bed's edge, Edward was still on her Tomato laptop hacking through the secret site from the mysterious organization known as Shinra. Even when Edward was wearing her green goggles and setting her eyes on the digitized world, her mind was not completely in focus.  
  
"/Edward? Edward?/"  
  
Edward quickly shook her head.  
  
"Oh, hi, MPU. Running diagnostics throughout the ship again?"  
  
"/That's right, Edward. How is your hacking routine going?/"  
  
"It's going just fine. Edward needs to... I need to really hack deep into this site. Spike needs me," Edward said. After a slight moment of silence, MPU started to speak up.  
  
"/Edward, are you feeling all right?/"  
  
"Yeah, I'm feeling fine. Why do you ask?"  
  
"/Well, since you're hooked onto the computer, I detect that your pulse rate has increased by 15% higher than normal. I hope you're not ill,/" MPU said. Edward gasped, feeling her face flushing.  
  
"/Now your pulse rate has increased by 18%, 20%, 25%-/"  
  
"MPU, CUT IT OUT! I'm not sick," Edward said, feeling embarrassment blanket her.  
  
"... I'm sorry. I didn't mean to shout at you like that. It's... it's about Spike," Edward whispered, hoping not to wake him up.  
  
"/... oh, I see. Adolescence is one of the most precious moments in human history. I congradulate you for reaching such a moment. How does it feel?/" MPU said.  
  
"Well, uh... it's kinda hard to explain. Whenever I'm around Spike, I feel this sensation rush through my body. Then I feel this pull from him, feeling as though he would hook me by the mouth and reel me in. It's so strange, yet so wonderful," Edward said, slowly eyeing Spike in bed through her goggles.  
  
"/I know a way you can tell how you truly explore your feelings./"  
  
"Oh? And what way is that?"  
  
"/Kiss him. They say that a kiss is one of the ways to the truth, the truth based on what your feelings say to you. Would that be preferable, Edward?/" Edward slowly slid her goggles off her eyes and let them rest on her forehead.  
  
"...MPU, I need you to take over the hacking for me. I already fixed the settings, and all you need to do is stay on those settings. There's something I gotta do..." Edward removed her goggles completely and carefully placed them next to the Tomato. After she quietly closed her Tomato, Edward quietly walked to the sleeping Cowboy and slowly sat on the bed's edge, gazing onto the Cowboy's handsomeness.  
  
"When you're awake, you're a walking disaster waiting to happen. But when you're asleep..." Feeling a sensation rush through her feet, Edward gently carressed his face. Edward didn't mind Spike having a patch over his left, dead eye; to her, having an eyepatch kinda made him sexier. Edward let out a big gulp.  
  
"Well... it's now or never..." Edward slowly leaned down and pressed her soft lips into his. Her eyes flashed wide open as she felt a surge of sensation rush through her body like a maelstrom. Her heart pounded like mad, and her stomach started doing belly-flops.  
  
(... he's as sweet as candy...) Edward lied down next to Spike and continued to kiss the sleeping cowboy. Not wanting to let her lips part with his, she unbuttoned his shirt and gently let her hand travel around his bare chest...  
  
  
--------------------  
  
  
"MAD HUMAN AT 6 O'CLOCK!!" Panda screamed.  
  
"WHAT DOES IT TAKE TO STOP THAT BOMBSHELL?!" Maxwell screamed. For over 5 minutes, the Ham-Ham Clubhouse were on the run from the mad grenadier, Faye Valentine. Through the ham-ham's point of view, comparing Jet to Faye was like comparing a baby kitten to a Bengal tiger!  
  
Chasing the ham-hams, Faye left behind a path of fiery destruction, thanks to her state-of-the-art grenades. She laughed hysterically as she chased the ham-hams down and prepared to blow them to Kingdom Come.  
  
"Ya little #$@&ers aren't gonna get away from me! You're gonna learn the hard way that I'm not as merciful as Jet was!" Faye exclaimed. The ham-hams tried to get away, but Faye was closing in on them.  
  
"HOLY SHIT! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?! It looks like she's not gonna run out of grenades for quite awhile!" Sandy shouted.  
  
"Anyone got any bright ideas?" Stan asked.  
  
"I got one! Let Oxnard take care of her! He kicked that bald guy's ass really good!" Howdy said.  
  
"That's no good, Howdy. Can't you see how exhausted Oxnard was when he returned to his normal state? That's asking for too much," Dexter said.  
  
"Son of a bitch! Hamtaro, Bijou, Cappy and Penelope are so lucky not to be here! It's too bad we can't tilt the situation into our favor!" Pashmina said. Suddenly, a huge light-bulb flashed over Maxwell's head.  
  
"Did you say 'tilt'? OUTSTANDING IDEA, PASHMINA! You helped save the Ham-Ham Clubhouse!" Maxwell exclaimed. Without giving an explanation, Maxwell scuttered away from the rest of the gang and headed down a different hall. In less than 30 seconds, the ham-hams had nowhere else to go, and Faye got them all cornered.  
  
"GHAAAAAHAHAHA! Tonight, we dine on hamsters! Spaghetti and ham-hams, roasted ham-hams, ham-hams on a stick, pizza with ham-ham toppings: the list goes on! We'll leave nothing left but bones!" Faye exclaimed. All the ham-hams screamed for their lives when Faye pulled the pin and was prepared to throw it right into their faces.  
  
All of a sudden, the ship tilted upward, causing Faye to lose balance and slide away from the ham-hams. The Clubhouse held onto each other for dear life, every one of them grabbing onto each other's paws and looking like a ham-ham chain.  
  
"WHAT THE HELL'S GOING ON HERE?!" Boss exclaimed.  
  
"HEY, I KNOW! Maxwell found the ship's cockpit and flew this iron bird into the sky! That way, he was able to separate that woman from us! Maxwell, you da Ham!" Panda said.   
  
Eventually, the ship tilted back to normal. On the other end of the hall, Faye laid there, nearly unconscious and holding a grenade in her hand.  
  
"... holy shit... I can't believe the Bebop flew off into space. Those ham-hams are far smarter than I thought," Faye whispered to herself. When she slowly opened her eyes, she saw all 9 hamsters looking down on her. When here eyes weakly looked to the left, she saw Pashmina and Sandy holding a grenade in their paws. With a mean grin, Boss pulled the pin.  
  
"BANZAIIIII !!! Sandy and Pashmina exclaimed. The two female ham-hams leaped into the air and stuffed the grenade down Faye's cleavage. Seeing the grenade in-place, the ham-hams scuttered for their lives. Faye let out a scream and tried to get the grenade out of her cleavage.  
  
"AAAAAHH! I'M NOT GONNA LET THOSE FUZZY BASTARDS BLOW UP MY BOOBS! I'M TOO YOUNG TO DIE!" Faye screamed. Faye finally got the grenade out of her really nice cleavage and tossed it away. The grenade went off, letting out a fiery blast, but Faye was nowhere close to the explosion.  
  
"Phew. That was close," Faye said. Her eyes suddenly widen. When she set her eyes to her left, she saw the grenade she dropped.  
  
That same grenade had no pin.  
  
"Oh damn." The grenade went off.  
  
  
--------------------  
  
  
"WHAT!? The Bebop's in space?? But nobody authorized launching out of Gandymede," Spike exclaimed. When he was about to get out of bed, he realized something peculiar.  
  
"Hey. I don't remember unbuttoning my shirt. What the hell?" Spike said to himself, rebuttoning his shirt. Edward felt a chill run down her spine, afraid Spike's gonna find out. The steel doors open wide, letting Ein drag a charred female body in.  
  
"FAYE!" Spike exclaimed. Spike gently picked Faye up and placed her onto his bed. When Faye was about to speak, she coughed out black smoke.  
  
"Sorry, Spike. They got me, too. You're... you're our only hope," Faye whispered. After saying those words, Faye fell into a deep sleep.  
  
"I'll make those evil munchikins pay! THEY WILL PAY!!" Spike exclaimed. When he reached for his .45 caliber handgun, Edward grabbed onto his wrist.  
  
"Edward! What are you doing?" Spike said.  
  
"Let ME go after them! MPU is doing the hacking for me, and I want a piece of those shit-heads, too! I HAVE to do this! I have.... I have my reasons," Edward said. A moment of silence filled the room. Spike thought it over.  
  
"Okay," Spike said bluntly.  
  
Edward walked out of his quarters, prepared to stare Death into the eye.  
  
"I must do this to prove I'm as tough as any of the others! I must do this..."  
  
Edward started to blush.  
  
"... so Spike won't get hurt. I won't lose Spike to those monsters. I won't...."  
  
  
  
  
.... to be continued.  
  
  
Oh my! Jet got his ass whooped, and Faye got annihilated! Now it's Edward's turn to test her mettle against the all-powerful Ham-Ham Clubhouse! What does Edward have planned for the Ham-Hams? Will Edward earn victory? Or is there yet another ham-ham who will awaken an inner power to bring down that nutty hacker?? Tune in next time! REVIEWS, PLEASE! :) 


	5. A New Agenda In Effect! Meet Edward, Th...

Forming a long line that was lead by Boss, the cute, little ham-hams scuttered down the dark halls, keeping their dark little eyes wide open. Ham-Ham Clubhouse: 2. The Bebop: nothing. Despite winning the second round after facing Faye, none of the ham-hams felt any relief from the battles.  
  
"Son of a bitch. How many humans do we have to freakin' face? That purple-haired lady was sure tough," Panda said.  
  
"You can say that again. I thought for sure we were about to be reduced to crispy mcnuggets," Oxnard said.  
  
"Let's be glad we're still alive. If it weren't for Maxwell, we'd be all goners. Ain't that right, Maxie?" Sandy asked, giving the intelligent ham-ham inviting eyes.  
  
"... Sandy... " Maxwell whispered, letting out a light blush.  
  
"We're not out of the woods just yet, ham-hams. The next human could be a real major disaster. Let's keep our eyes open and our claws sharp," Boss said. Just as they were about to turn to the next hall, Panda spotted a door that really made his eyes glitter with pure excitement. Many of the ham-hams bumped right into him and felt their line disrupted.  
  
"Hey! Who stopped all of a sudden?" Pashmina asked.  
  
".... up there, you guys..." Panda said. All of the 9 ham-hams looked up to the sign above the door to their right. The sign read: "The Junk Room".  
  
"So it's a room full of junk. What's the big deal?" Howdy asked.  
  
"To you guys, it's a shit-hole. But to me..." Panda's eyes glistened even more.  
  
"... it's our ticket to victory! I got a plan, everybody. A MASTER Plan..." Panda said. Everyone huddled all around Panda to hear him out. After minutes of letting the Clubhouse in on the 411, all of them gasped with glee.  
  
"WOW! You really amaze us, Panda! I'm surprised I didn't come up with such a plan," Maxwell said.  
  
"Looks like the terrible experiments are really paying off! Panda's imagination is far more awesome than the last time. LET'S DO IT!" Dexter said. After Boss and Oxnard opened the steel door to "The Junk Room," everyone scuttered in and started to put the Master Plan into effect.  
  
"... we're gonna save this plan for the last human left standing...." Boss said sadistically.  
  
  
---------------------------  
  
  
Four little hamsters quietly crept into Spike's personal quarters. Hamtaro, Bijou, Cappy and Penelope spotted three humans resting on two separate beds. One large human on one bed was completely bandaged up like a mummy. The second human was a beautiful woman with a ice-bag on her head and a thermomemter sticking out of her mouth. The third human wearing an eyepatch was peacefully sleeping next to the woman, snuggling close to her and letting his fingers lace with hers. The ham-hams looked around quietly.  
  
"Aw, man! Those guys aren't around here, either. Where in the world can they possible be? What they're doing isn't right at all," Hamtaro said.  
  
"You're so right, Hamtaro. Did you see the way their eyes glowed earlier? They're not the same ham-hams we use to know," Bijou said. The four ham-hams leaped onto Spike's bed and checked on Spike and Faye.  
  
"This is really screwed up! I thought we ham-hams are suppose to be friendly and sweet, ya know?" Cappy said.  
  
"Okweeeee," Penelope said sadly.  
  
"I know. I know what those scientists did to us was terrible, but that doesn't give any of us the right to be any worse. No one deserves such a beating," Bijou said, gently carressing Faye's face. Hamtaro leaned closer to Spike to see if he too suffered from the hands of the Clubhouse. When he took a sniff at Spike, his eyes widened.  
  
"... what? This human smells so familiar. He smells almost like... LAURA!" Hamtaro said.  
  
  
------------------------  
  
  
The Ham-Ham Clubhouse was working harder than ever, even harder than the time when Boss' home was flooded by the rain. The sparks were flying from the hot metal and their faces were covered with grease, but their Master Plan was far from over. While everyone else were getting their paws dirty, Panda and Maxwell were going over the blueprints to make sure everything was going smoothly.  
  
"This will be PERFECT! When it's functional, it will be the perfect instrument to end all the humans' lives! As a matter of fact, it will bring an end to ALL HUMANITY!!!" Panda screamed, letting out a sadistic laugh. Suddenly, an extremely cold draft brushed throughout the entire Junk Room.  
  
"HOLY SHIT! Where did that draft come from?!" Stan asked.  
  
"It's coming from the hallway. Let's check it out," Boss said. All of the ham-hams, except Panda and Maxwell, went out to the halls, only to end up slipping on ice. Eventually, the ham-hams finally regained their balance.  
  
"It's as if we stepped into the Ice-Capades! What's going on here?" Pashmina asked, trying to look through the thick frosted mist. Suddenly, a very evil laugh echoed throughout the halls. Skating through the frosted air came a highly armored hockey player wearing a New Jersey Devils uniform. The hockey mask was shaped as the face of the Grim Reaper, and the hockey stick was as sharp as a samurai sword. The hockey player slowly took off her mask and revealed herself.  
  
"Hello, my little hockey pucks. Edward's the name, and hockey's my game! When I'm done with you, I'm gonna turn every one of you into my personal Beanie Babies..."  
  
  
  
... to be continued. 


	6. Hang on, Spike! It's Up To You Now! Re...

"GAME-TIME, BABY!" Edward shouted. The hacker skidded down the ice and whacked all the ham-hams with one swipe of her hockey-blade! After hitting the walls real hard, the ham-hams tried to shake off the attack.  
  
"Hot damn! She's a real ball of energy, and she's fast, too!" Stan said.  
  
"Keep your eyes open, ham-hams! If we don't watch it, we could end up sliced into pieces by her hockey-blade!" Boss screamed.  
  
"Good observation, Boss. But how do we exactly-" Dexter was cut off from Edward's war-cry through her menacing hockey-mask. Dexter and Howdy jumped out of the way, but Boss, Sandy, Stan, Pashmina and Oxnard weren't so lucky. Many of them were knocked into the cold walls, but Sandy and Stan were getting knocked around like hockey pucks. Giggling to herself, Edward dribbled the ham-ham twins around and shot them into the hockey goal.  
  
The goal siren went off like crazy. Edward skated towards the downed ham-hams and whacked them also into the goal. The goal folded in half and trapped almost all five of them. Edward took off her mask and let out a victory cry.  
  
"GO, EDWARD! GO, EDWARD! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY! IT'S YOUR BIRTHDAY!" she sung, shaking her booty all around.  
  
"Oh yeah! I'll take all the credit in making the Bebop all safe and..." Edward felt heat rush throughout her whole body.  
  
"...and Spike's not just gonna see me as just some typical hacker.  
  
"Spike and Edward, sittin' in a tree!  
  
"K-I-S-S-I-N-G!  
  
"First comes love, then comes marriage..."  
  
Dexter and Howdy were still all right, but the others were too thrashed from Edward's powerful swings.  
  
"Gee willickers, Dexter! What the heck are we gonna do?! We don't have any super-powers," Howdy said.  
  
"How the heck should I know? And... and why in the world are my lenses made out of red ruby lenses?! This doesn't make any sense," Dexter said. Suddenly, Edward skated past the other ham-hams and came to an abrupt halt in front of Howdy and Dexter. The ice dust ended up blinding Dexter.  
  
"Hehehehhh... two more ham-hams to whack! Time for my hockey-blade to taste blood..." Edward raised her hockey blade in the air.  
  
"I'm... I'm too young to die. I'M TOO DANG YOUNG TO DIEEEEEEEEEE!!!!!!!!!" Howdy screamed. Howdy screamed so hard that powerful sonic waves boomed out of Howdy's mouth. The ice throughout all the halls quickly shattered into pieces. Edward also felt the wrath of Howdy's thunderous voice and got knocked dozens of feet right into her own hockey goal. Stan, Sandy and the others were finally freed.  
  
All Howdy and Dexter could do was blink.  
  
"Wow, Howdy! You kicked that kid's ass by just shouting at her!" Dexter said, trying in vain to wipe all the ice off his glasses.  
  
"I sure did. I wonder how I did that exactly," Howdy asked himself. Mad as hell, Edward shook the goal off of her and glared coldly at Howdy and Dexter. Edward lost her helmet and her chest-armor, but she still had her skates and her blade.  
  
"You little pieces of S#@$! It's time for SUDDEN DEATH!" Edward screamed. Feeling the fury, Edward took off her skates and ran towards the two ham-hams at maximum speed. Howdy was scared as hell, but Dexter was still busy cleaning his lenses.  
  
"DEXTER, WHAT THE FUZZY ARE YOU DOING?! GET OUT OF THE WAY!" Howdy screamed.  
  
"I'm not moving an inch until I finally get to see through these lenses! Maybe next time, I should make myself some contact lenses," Dexter said. Losing his patience, Dexter took off his ruby-lense glasses.  
  
"Now what is it that-" Dexter saw Edward right over him, ready to slice him into three pieces. A nanosecond after having her in his sight, a powerful red beam blasted out of Dexters's eye and collided into Edward, incinerating all of her hockey armor, her hockey-blade, even her clothes! The blast knocked her right through the walls! The other beatened ham-hams limped to Dexter and Howdy, amazed by their newly found powers.  
  
"... wow. Talk about freaky! You guys were amazing!" Oxnard said.  
  
"Hey, guys! Did you see what I just did to that kid?" Dexter said, turning his attention to his friends. Everyone screamed and dodged the red beams.  
  
"DEXTER, YOU MORON! YOU ALMOST COOKED US!" Howdy screamed. Dexter tried to cover his eyes, but his paws got burned from his red eye-beams.  
  
"HOW THE HELL DO YOU TURN IT OFF?!" Dexter screamed.  
  
"SHUT YOUR EYES, DEXTER! SHUT! YOUR! EEEEEEEYYYYYEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" everybody howled.  
  
Dexter finally shut his eyes, halting the wrath of his eye-beams. Pashmina quickly picked up Dexter's glasses and put them on Dexter.  
  
"Phew! That was a close call. Every human we had to face gets tougher and tougher. I bet the last human's gonna be one helluva fighter," Boss said.  
  
"Aw, let 'em come! Some of us already found our hidden powers. When all of us awaken our sleeping powers, we're gonna clean their clocks!" Oxnard said. Everyone cheered from Oxnard's words.  
  
"Come on, ham-hams! What are we waiting for? Let's get Panda's Master Plan into effect! It should be completed any minute now!"  
  
  
-------------  
  
  
A knock came through Spike's doors. Spike woke up suddenly and got up to see who was knocking at his door.  
  
"That must be Edward. I'm coming," Spike said. Spike slowly slid the door open.  
  
"Hey, Edward. I didn't know you came back so fa- WHOOOOAAAAA!!" Spike quickly clamped his eyes with his hand and felt major heat flush through his face. Edward, totally embarrassed, tried her best to cover her nude body. She wasn't doing much of a good job.  
  
"Ehehehehe.... I kinda messed up," Edward whispered, feeling her entire body flush. Edward's eyes dazed, and she lost all balance. Spike quickly caught her into his arms and carried her to another available bed. Still feeling his face blushing, Spike covered her naked body with a blanket.  
  
"Poor girl. Not even she was enough to take on those little monsters," Spike said.  
  
Ein tugged on Spike's pants and let out a bark.  
  
"What's that, Ein? You want to take on the Ham-Ham Clubhouse??" Spike asked.  
  
Ein let out another bark, standing on his hind legs and letting out a whimper.  
  
"You go it, Ein!" Spike strapped a huge cluster bomb on Ein's back.  
  
"KICK ASS, BOY! SICK 'EM!!!" Spike commanded. Ein ran right out of the halls and barked like crazy, ready to kick ham-ham ass. Suddenly, a powerful red beam blasted right past Spike's door. After the beam fizzed down, Ein's whimpers echoed through the halls.  
  
Spike was all alone now. Jet, Faye, Edward, Ein - all out of commission, all in their beds slowly trying to reach full recovery. What's the cowboy to do now? What will this courageous warrior do against the most powerful force in the universe? Will Cowboy Bebop still be on the air after the invasion of the Ham-Ham Clubhouse??  
  
"There's only one thing to do now. It's gotta work!" Spike shouted. Spike picked up the phone and dialed a number.  
  
"Hello, operator. I need the best exterminator from Gandymede. Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Okay, no prob. So who is this group you're about to send?"  
  
Spike's eyes widened.  
  
"... that's their name?! Uh-huh. Uh-huh. Uh... okay, if you say so. Yeah, we're gonna stay put. 1:30 a.m., sharp. Okay, bye."  
  
Spike hung up, still wearing that dumbfound look.  
  
"... The Shuffle Alliance? For a group of exterminators, that has got to be the worst dumbass name I've ever heard. For some reason, I got a baaaaad feeling about this..."  
  
  
  
.... to be continued. 


	7. The Shuffle Alliance has arrived! An Un...

Spike walked to Edward's Tomato laptop, seeing if there's any progress in finding information on the terrifyingly powerful Ham-Ham Clubhouse. Spike sat on the floor and took a bite out of his apple.  
  
"Man, what does it take to kick some ham-ham ass?? Hey, MPU. Did you find anything yet?" Spike asked.  
  
"/I'm sorry, Spike, but I still cannot find any sufficient information based on what Edward focused her hacking on. However, I was able to take photos of the 'rodents' we must destroy. May I ask you a question, Spike?/" MPU asked.  
  
"Sure, fire away, ya piece of crap," Spike said.  
  
"/How did it feel, Spike?/"  
  
"... uh, how did what feel? You lost me."  
  
"/How did it feel when you took part in Edward's journey to a whole new level?/"  
  
"MPU, what the hell are you talking about?"  
  
"/You... you weren't aware of Edward's exploration with you?/"  
  
"... no, I wasn't. An exploration?! MPU, I want an explanation right now. Did Edward do something to me in my sleep??"  
  
A sweatdrop came out of the Tomato laptop.  
  
"/Uh... ERROR IN SYSTEM! IN PROGRESS OF ERROR CORRECTION!/" Suddenly, MPU shut down all communications with Spike and continued on what Edward began.  
  
"... this is one bizarre night," Spike said to himself.  
  
When Spike looked up to see the glass window, he saw a huge spaceship with the name "EXTERMINATORS" written on it. Feeling ecstatic, Spike ran to the main lounge and opened the steel doors for the exterminators to enter. Five blurs zipped right through the doorway and came to a halt right in front of Spike. The theme song to G Gundam boomed throughout the Bebop.  
  
"BLACK JOKER!" Argo Gulskii, the big Russian warrior, shouted, flexing his muscles.  
  
"JACK OF DIAMONDS!" George DeSand, the red-headed Frenchman stated, posing like a girl and smelling a rose.  
  
"ACE OF CLUBS!" said Sai Saici, shaolin master and the youngest of the fives, getting into his crane kung-fu stance.  
  
"QUEEN OF SPADES!" stated Chibodee Crocket, the man with fists of iron, posing like a cowboy.  
  
"AND I AM THE KING OF HEARTS!!" Domon Kashuu screamed, feeling a fiery aura surrounding him.  
  
"WE ARE THE SHUFFLE ALLIANCE, AND THOSE WHO DARE TO DISTURB THE PEACE SHALL BE SENT TO THE ABYSS!" the whole Alliance announced. Spike was impressed, to say the least.  
  
"... damn. You guys must be one of the most powerful groups I've ever met. I got to say, I'm really glad to see you guys! We got a major problem on the Bebop," Spike said.  
  
"You shouldn't worry about this 'rodent' problem... what's your name?" Domon asked.  
  
"It's Spike."  
  
"Spike, right. Well, you shouldn't worry because I, the King of Hearts and leader of the Shuffle Alliance, will make sure that you will finally rest in peace!" Domon shouted.  
  
"... rest in peace? That didn't really sound right," Spike said to himself. When the red-caped man held the back of his right hand out to Spike, a huge heart with swords glowed on his hand.  
  
"... so you think you're a major badass because you got a cute little heart on your hand. That is so gay," Spike said quietly.  
  
"... smartass..." Domon whispered.  
  
"Heh. You shouldn't worry a bit, my friend. As representative of Neo America, it is my privilege to say that whatever the problem is will be easily eradicated," the purple-haired man named Chibodee stated, throwing a few jabs and crosses into the air.  
  
"He's right, bro! We still yearn to meet our match!" the kid named Sai Saichi said.  
  
"So who do we have to vanquish? Is it the Zeon Empire?" George asked, drawing out his fencing sword.  
  
"Is it the return of Oz?" Argo asked, drawing out his mace.  
  
"Is it the resurrection of the Devil Gundam?" Domon asked, drawing out a samurai sword.  
  
"No, guys. It's far worse than that. They're the most monstrous force in the universe, far more powerful than the Zeon Empire, Oz, and the Devil Gundam combined!" Spike shouted.  
  
"My gosh! Now that's what I call a scary bunch! Who are they? Tell us! Tell us now!" Domon stated.  
  
"They're HAMSTERS!" Spike announced.  
  
The theme song to G Gundam came to a screeching halt. The momentum within the Shuffle Alliance turned from a raging inferno to a little candle that just went out. Chibodee cleared his throat.  
  
"Uh... what did you just say?" Chibodee asked slowly and quietly.  
  
"They're... they're hamsters, okay?" Spike mumbled. The Shuffle Alliance started to feel their lips split. They tried to bite down on their lips, but they couldn't contain it anymore. There was only one thing they could do.  
  
They laughed at Spike's face.  
  
"AAAAAAAHAHAHAHAHA! What the heck is this, some kind of a joke?! What the hell have you been smokin'?" Chibodee blurted.  
  
"YOU HAVE GOT TO BE THE BIGGEST WUSS I'VE EVER MET!" Sai Saici blasted, feeling tears from the laughter pour down his eyes.  
  
"I'm being serious. The ham-hams pulverized my whole crew, and every one of them are in serious condition! I got photos to show how vicious those bastards really are!" Spike said. Spike grabbed the photos MPU took and gave a bundle of them to each of the Shuffle Alliance. When they got a good look at the photos, their eyes glittered like stars.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWWW!! They're so adorable!" Domon said, checking out the photo of Hamtaro waving to the camera.  
  
"Hey, bros! Check this one out. Here's one where a red-coated ham-ham is rubbing noses with the cute white one. They look soooooooo cute together!" Sai Saici said.  
  
"Hey, here's a picture of a little hamster wearing a pot as a hat. AAAAAAAWWWWW!! I want to get a hamster for my dear Ms. Marie Louise," George said.  
  
"I should get one for my Nastasha. She'd be so happy to have one," Argo said.  
  
I'm gonna buy THREE of them for Rain!" Domon exclaimed.  
  
"I'm gonna buy one for each of my girls in my Gundam Crew. They'd-"  
  
"HEY! MORONS! HAVE YOU ALREADY FORGOTTEN?? YOU'RE HERE TO KILL THE BUGGERS, NOT GO GA-GA OVER THEM!!!" Spike screamed.  
  
"... dude, you sure are tense, bro. You need a chill-pill," Sai Saici said.  
  
"Hey, you guys! I got something even better than that for Spike!" Domon said.  
  
"Yeah? What's that?" Chibodee asked.  
  
"THE HAMTARO THEME SONG!" Domon announced.  
  
"Good call, mon ami! A one, and a two, and a ..." George stated. George took out a kazoo and hummed into it to get the right rhythm. Suddenly, the Hamtaro theme song started to blast throughout the Bebop, and the Shuffle Alliance bopped their heads left and right with the rhythm.  
  
All Spike could do was stare at them with a hanging jaw.  
  
Shuffle Alliance: IT'S HAMTARO TIME!!  
  
Domon: KUSH, KUSH, KUSH, WHOOOOO!  
  
S.A: HAMTARO!  
  
Chibodee: When we work together, it's much better!  
  
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!  
  
George: We love sunflower seeds, crum crum crum!  
  
S.A.: MY HAM HAMS!  
  
Argo: If she gets in trouble, we won't let her!  
  
S.A.: HAMTARO!  
  
Domon: Little hamsters, big adventures!  
  
Sai Saici: Laura's gone to school! Let's go to our Ham-Ham Clubhouse!  
  
George: We can fix their trouble, just be quiet as a mouse!  
  
Chibodee: Watch out for those cats 'cause they're much smarter than you think!  
  
Argo: But if we work together we can make their plans stink!  
  
Domon: WHOOOOO!!  
  
S.A.: HAMTARO!!  
  
Chibodee: Snoozer, Howdy, Penelope, Panda!  
  
S.A.: MY BEST FRIEND!  
  
George: Oxnard, Bijou, Cappy, Maxwell!  
  
S.A.: MY HAM-HAM!  
  
Sai Saici: Dexter, Boss, Pashmina, Jingle!  
  
S.A.: HAMTARO!!  
  
Argo: Little hamsters, big adventures!  
  
Domon: ::boppin' his head like Hamtaro:: 'Cuse me when I work out, gotta run in my wheel! WHEEEEEEE!!  
  
S.A.: HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S HERE TO HELP YOU!  
HAMTARO! HAMTARO'S TEAM IS FOR YOU!  
HAAAAMMMTAAAAROOOOOO!!!  
  
Domon: HAHAHAAAAA!!  
  
Spike just stood there with a blank face, completely as pale as a vampire. Ten seconds later, Spike finally tried to move his mouth.  
  
"... I'll be right back. Don't move," Spike said very slowly. Without saying a word, Spike left the main lounge. The Shuffle Alliance gave each other a glance of uncertainty.  
  
"I wonder what got into Spike's skin? Hamtaro's the best anime series to ever hit the screen," Chibodee said.  
  
"I know. It's even better than that retarded show they called Cowboy Bebop," Domon said.  
  
"I know what ya mean, bro. What loser would check out that-" Sai Saici froze in fear when he saw Spike reenter the lounge. This time, Spike brought with him a king-size bazooka, and he was aiming it right at the Shuffle Alliance.  
  
"... show?" Sai Saici squeked.  
  
"... you got 10 seconds to get your sorry asses off my ship. 10... 9...8..." The Shuffle Alliance ran for dear life for their ship.  
  
"Aw, what the hey. HASTA LA VISTA, BABY!!" Spike squeezed the trigger and blew the Shuffle Alliance to kingdom come. Spike dropped the bazooka, infuriated with the Shuffle Alliance's incompetence. The phone rang in the main lounge. Spike quickly picked it up.  
  
"/Hello, it's Serena, the operator. Did the Shuffle Alliance help neutralize your rodent problem?/"  
  
"What you sent me is a bunch of whackos who don't know danger if it went up their asses!"  
  
"/Oh, I'm truly sorry. We can send you real help if you want us to./"  
  
"Forget it. No more help."  
  
"/How about Team Rocket? Would you like us to send Jessie and James or Cassidy and Butch?/"  
  
"Neither."  
  
"/How about the Muscle League? Kid Muscle is a rising superstar, ya know?/"  
  
"Forget it."  
  
"/Starwind and Hawking Enterprises?/"  
  
"No."  
  
"/Devil May Cry, ran by the legendary Dante?/"  
  
"What are you, deaf?"  
  
"/Roger Smith, The Negotiator?/"  
  
".... no."  
  
"/Kirby?/"  
  
"You're messed up."  
  
"/The DigiDestined from Season 4?/"  
  
"Please hang up."  
  
"/Guts, the Black Swordsman?/"  
  
"Hang. Up."  
  
"/The Blade-Breakers?/"  
  
"........."  
  
"/The Autobots?/"  
  
Feeling a few veins pop out of his forehead, Spike grabbed the telephone line and yanked it right out of the phone-jack. Feeling the pressure, Spike counted to 10 and let out a big breath.  
  
"Sometimes, when you want something done right..." Spike walked down the halls and entered his personal quarters. Trying not to disturb the injured in their sleep, Spike opened the closet and took out all his favorite weapons. After making careful selections, he chose to use a heavy-duty flamethrower, a silver .45 caliber handgun, a pair of sub-machine guns, thermo-sunglasses, and a pair of black metallic nunchukus.  
  
"... you just gotta do it yourself." Spike wore a real mean grin and lit up the nozzle.  
  
  
  
... to be continued. 


	8. The End of a War! The Beginning of a SH...

"Any word from Panda and Maxwell yet?" Oxnard asked.  
  
"They're almost done with the Master Plan. That hunk of metal they're building is almost completed," Boss said.  
  
"Great. I can hardly wait for those two to put in the finishing touches. That way, we can finally stop being on patrol for that last human Stan and Sandy, our scouts, metioned," Pashmina said.  
  
"Oh, come on, you guys! He's just one man with only one eye! How hard can he be in kicking the crap out of him?" Howdy said.  
  
"Come on, you guys. We gotta keep out eyes open and be on the lookout. No telling when he'll show up," Dexter said. The ham-hams separated and continued to patrol the dim halls. The halls were quiet. Almost too quiet. The only things the ham-hams could hear were their paws scuttering on the floor and the drips coming out of a few pipes.  
  
Suddenly, Stan and Sandy quickly ran down towards the Junk Room, heading towards Boss' way.  
  
"BOSS!! HE'S COMING! AND HE'S REEEAAAALLLLY ON THE WARPATH!" Stan shouted. Sandy saw a huge gush of fire coming from behind them. She quickly tackled her big brother and them both hit the ground, escaping the raging inferno by an inch. Loud footsteps echoed throughout the halls, alerting the seven ham-hams to regroup from their patrolling.  
  
"Hey, Stan. Are you all right?" Sandy asked.  
  
"Not for long..." a sinister voice responded. Out of the shadows was the one-eyed man, Spike Spiegel. Despite losing his eye in an accident, Spike's senses are as keen as ever, and his only focus is on the demise of the Ham-Ham Clubhouse. With a sinister smile, Spike rested his flamethrower on his shoulder.  
  
"Aaaaawwwwwww! You ham-hams are soooooo cute, soooooooooooooo adorable! Now..." Spike aimed his flamethrower right at the ham-hams.  
  
"You're gonna be sooooooooooooooooooooo dead...." The ham-hams screamed and scattered.  
  
"HEY, WAIT A MINUTE! WE'RE THE HAM-HAM CLUBHOUSE, THE MOST POWERFUL FORCE IN THE UNIVERSE! We're not gonna let one puny human stop us from our destiny!" Boss said. The ham-hams heard Boss' words and stopped panicking.  
  
"Hey, da Boss is right! He's just a human! Let's get 'im!" Stan said. Howdy and Dexter stepped up to the plate and faced the funky cowboy.  
  
"Let Howdy and I go first! There's no way he'll get to the Junk Room! We'll tear that human apart in no-time!" Dexter stated. Howdy took a step towards Spike and looked him straight into the eyes.  
  
"Okay, you ugly-ass human who wears a bush on his head! When I scream right into your ears, your head's gonna explode and it'll be all over!" Howdy said.  
  
"Well.... go ahead, ham-ham. Let that voice box of yours do its worst," Spike said, smiling. Howdy opened his mouth really wide and let in as much air as he could, ready to scream out his sonic blast like never before. When he was about to scream, Spike stuffed a huge cork into Howdy's mouth. All Howdy could do was mumble. Howdy squirmed to get the cork out of his mouth, but Spike rammed his fist into Howdy's head and flattened him like a pancake.  
  
"HOWDY!!" Dexter screamed. Dexter felt his eyes flare red like never before.  
  
"You BASTARD! Nobody gets to pulverize Howdy but ME!" Dexter said.  
  
"Ooooohhhh, I see you're mad. Show me what ya got, ya four-eyed freak," Spike said.  
  
"Grrrrr.... you wanna see power? I'LL SHOW YA POWER!" Dexter screamed. The ham-hams ran down the hall away from Dexter and Spike, remembering how powerful Dexter's optic blast was against Edward. Dexter removed his glasses and fired his optic blast in full force. The enormous, red beam headed for Spike at frightening speed, ready to turn him into bones.  
  
With a smile, Spike took out a huge mirror and faced it right in front of Dexter. The optic blast bounced right back and fried the four-eyed hamster into barbeque.  
  
"Now for the rest..."  
  
---------------  
  
"Oh, man! What are we gonna do?! WHAT ARE WE GONNA DO?!?" Oxnard asked.  
  
"We have to keep Spike away from the Junk Room at all costs! Man, that guy is really a formidable warrior," Boss said.  
  
"Let Sandy and I handle him! We discovered our new power earlier, and there's no way we'll give in that easily. You, Oxnard and Pashmina are gonna be the last line of defense! GO! HURRY!" Stan said.  
  
"Good luck to you twins," Boss said. Boss, Oxnard and Pashmina ran for the Junk Room, praying that Sandy and Stan will stop him. Spike emerged out of the shadows and faced the twins.  
  
"Hmph. So what are you two gonna do?" Spike asked.  
  
"My brother and I are gonna bring you down, ya damn cowboy! PREPARE TO DIE!!" Sandy said. Stan and Sand punched their right fists together.  
  
"WONDER TWIN POWERS, ACTIVATE!!" the twins screamed.  
  
"FORM OF... A SABERTOOTH!!" Sandy screamed. Stars popped right out of Sandy and transformed her into a raging sabertooth with fangs as long as a crowbar.  
  
"SHAPE OF... A SET OF SABERTOOTH TEETH MADE OUT OF TITANIUM, ADAMANTIUM, METALLO ALLOY!!" Stan screamed. Stan transformed into the most horrifying set of artificial set of teeth. Sandy opened her mouth real wide and popped her brother right into her mouth.  
  
"Awright! A perfect fit!" Sandy said.  
  
"Hey, sis... you need to seriously brush your teeth more. Your breath stinks," Stan said. Sandy the sabertooth slowly stomped her way towards Spike, ready to sink Stan the teeth into human flesh.  
  
Something caught Sandy's eyes. In Spike's hand was a huge, red dynamite that was beautifully lit. Spike whistled to Sandy.  
  
"Who's a good girl, huh? Wanna play fetch? Come on, girl! Come on!" Spike said. Sandy stood onto her hind legs and begged for the 'stick'.  
  
"DON'T DO IT, SANDY! DON'T DO IT!" Stand screamed. Spike made a 180 and threw the high-class dynamite down the hall. Unable to resist, Sandy ran after it. When Sandy picked up the TNT by the mouth, the TNT exploded and knocked the twins out cold. Stan and Sandy returned to normal form, burnt to a crisp.  
  
----------------  
  
Oxnard, Pashmina and Boss stood right at the door, keeping their eyes as sharp as daggers.  
  
"I got a bad feeling about this. Something tells me that Stand and Sandy failed. What if... what if-"  
  
"QUIT THINKING THAT WAY, PASHMINA! The twins finished him off! I'm sure they did!" Boss said.  
  
"Oh, I wouldn't really say that." The last three fighting ham-hams stood up and felt their blood chill for the first time. Spike, with that devil-may-care attitude, walked carefreely towards the last line of defense.  
  
"You must be wondering how the hell I defeated your buddies back there. Thanks to Edward's hacking and MPU's improvements on it, I got the 411 on all of ya! Your origins, your previous lives..."  
  
Spike wore a mean grin.  
  
"... your powers... your weaknesses..."  
  
"I'M NOT GONNA STAND FOR THIS! THE GLOVES ARE OFF!" Pashmina yelled. Pashmina closed her eyes and covered her head with her hands.  
  
"I'm a telepath, and I'm gonna wipe your mind clean! YOU'RE GONNA BE NOTHING MORE THAN A VEGETABLE!" Pashmina said. Pashmina screamed a felt a psychic wave blast right out of her mind. Spike somersaulted out of Pashmina's range. Feeling the strain from her power, Pashmina collapsed to her paws and took a breather. Pashmina heard someone mumbling nonsense nearby. When she turned her head, she saw Oxnard wobbling around.  
  
"Oxnard, are you all right?" Pashmina asked.  
  
"Blablablugullybullowallawallabingbangkaplump," Oxnard said. Boss couldn't believe it.  
  
"PASHMINA!! YOU AFFECTED OXNARD, NOT THAT HUMAN! YOU TURNED OXNARD FROM A SUPER HAM-HAM INTO A SUPER-RETARD!!" Boss said.  
  
"Oh, man. I'm sor-" Pashmina was cut off by Spike's flamethrower, consuming both Pashmina and Oxnard. The two ham-hams fell to the flames, leaving Boss all alone. Boss trembled before Spike's very presence.  
  
"... no. I won't let you in there!" Boss said.  
  
"What's so damn special inside that room?" Spike asked.  
  
"AIN'T NONE OF YOUR BUSINESS, HUMAN! YOU LEAVE ME NO OTHER CHOICE!" Boss ran to the downed Oxnard and Pashmina and placed his paws on their bodies. Boss felt their powers surge right through his paws and into his body. The surge was a bit shocking to Boss, but he was able to handle it. Storing their powers into their body, Boss aimed his paws right at the cowboy.  
  
"PAYBACK TIME, HUMAN!" Boss blasted right at the cowboy, letting out a menacing golden blast with psionic ripple circling all around it. The cowboy rolled out of harm's way, leaving behind him a huge hole in the ceiling. Seeing Boss off-guard, Spike twisted and rammed his flamethrower into Boss' noggin, nearly knocking him out cold.  
  
"I told you I know everything about you ham-hams, even the ones who just discovered their powers," Spike said. Spike torched the last defender.  
  
"That's for my crew..." Spike said.  
  
----------  
  
"YES! OUR NEW INVENTION IS COMPLETED!" Panda said.  
  
"Yes, but there's one problem," Maxwell said.  
  
"Oh? And what's that?"  
  
"We need a significant source of power, and we can't find any in this room! That source of power has to come from-"  
  
Maxwell's words were cut off from a major explosion that ripped the door wide open. Spike emerged from the smoke and entered the Junk Room.  
  
"Hello, ham-hams. Hmmm... what do we got here? I must admit, that's a real piece of work. I bet that'll be worth a helluva lot of woolongs," Spike said.  
  
"YOU CAN'T GO NEAR THAT THING! IT'S NOT FOR YOU!" Panda said.  
  
Spike ignored Panda's words and torched the big-brained ham-hams. Panda and Maxwell fell to the wrath of Spike and dropped to the floor.  
  
"Hmph. And I thought the Ham-Ham Clubhouse was suppose to be tough. Man, was I-" Spike heard someone crying out in the hall. Spike stepped out of the Junk Room, seeing a red-coated ham-ham cradling Oxnard by the head.  
  
"Oxnard.... how could he have done this to all of you? H... How..." Hamtaro set his teary eyes on Spike.  
  
"You... You're suppose to be the descent of the Harunas, a family whose hearts are more pure than gold. I thought you could be as sweet and caring as Laura was, but...."  
  
Hamtaro's tears were then replaced by blood.  
  
"... I was wrong. You're nothing like Laura at all!" Hamtaro's aura glowed a menacing red as he growled at the cowboy. As Hamtaro's aura grew stronger, Spike felt fear bite deep into his heart and backed away from the enraged ham-ham.  
  
Little did Spike know that the menacing hunk of metal inside the Junk Room responded to Hamtaro's rage, having its eyes glow deep red...  
  
Hamtaro raised his paw high into the air.  
  
"GUNDAM HAMINATOR.... AAAAAAAAWAKENNNNN!!" Hamtaro snapped his fingers. The Gundam Haminator, Panda's and Maxwell's invention, came to life and awakened to Hamtaro's words. The gigantic gundam ripped its way out of the Junk Room and crawled to its new master, looking like a gigantic knight with fangs of iron. When the chest-plate of the Gundam opened, Hamtaro leaped into the air and hopped right in. As soon as the chest closed, Hamtaro wore his skin-tight fighting suit with a cute paw as his insignia. Now the Gundam is under Hamtaro's complete control, being Hamtaro's new disposable body. The Haminator set its red eyes on Spike and drew out his light-saber. The robotic menace was unable to stand upright, but it did have enough room to swing his saber to slice Spike into pieces.  
  
"/OOOOOOOOOMMMMPPPAAAAAAAAAAAA....//" Hamtaro's voice echoed out electronically. Feeling as pale as a ghost, the helpless Spike dropped his flamethrower. Spike did the first thing that popped into his mind.  
  
He screamed for dear life.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA-"  
  
Spike took a breather and drank a nice bottle of water. He then let out a sigh of relief.  
  
"AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA  
AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH  
HHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!"  
  
Seeing his victim in sight, the Gundam Haminator started to crawl towards the cowboy, leaving no hope at all for victory.  
  
"/It's time to layeth the SMACKDOWN on ya! As a great warrior once said: HERE COMES THE PAIN!!!/"  
  
  
  
... to be continued. 


	9. The Ultimate Battle Commences! Take to ...

"I SHOULD HAVE HIRED THE AUTOBOTS WHEN I HAD THE CHANCE!!!" Spike screamed. Hamtaro's Haminator swung its light saber at Spike. Spike dodged the weapon right on time, feeling a bit of his hair burned by the saber. Hamtaro slashed again and again, but Spike used his agility to evade the hot blade. When Hamtaro swung his enormous saber right down towards Spike's head. Spike somersaulted away from the attack and drew out a pair of sub-machine guns. Spike fired away and blew the light saber right out of Hamtaro's powerful mecha.  
  
The Haminator's eyes glowed blood-red, staring coldly down Spike Spiegel. Hamtaro's eyes glowed eyes of pure hatred as well.  
  
"I'm gonna crush your bones 'til there's nothing left." The monstrous Haminator crawled towards Spike, stretching the tight halls as he was heading towards his victim. Spike ran as fast as he could, feeling his legs burn from the sprint. In a flash, Hamtaro grabbed Spike with his mechanized hands and lifted Spike off the ground. The Haminator brought Spike's face to the mecha's.  
  
"You'll be the first to die by my hands..." Hamtaro slowly started to squeeze his paws together. Through the screen, he saw his mecha's arms obey his commands, watching it squeeze the space cowboy's life away. Spike felt his bones get smushed together, feeling them in places they shouldn't be.   
Spike tried to scream, but his lungs were too weak to let him...  
  
"HAMTARO, THAT'S ENOUGH!" Cappy fell from thin air and landed on the Haminator's right wrist. With eyes of shock, Cappy looked deep into the empty eyes of the Haminator.  
  
"Hamtaro, this is nuts! Revenge ain't gonna get you anywhere! You can't do this!" Cappy said.  
  
"How did you get here so fast?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"Penelope teleported me to help the others. But when I saw you get into that machine, you've changed! I have to stop you from being the one thing you were never meant to be!"  
  
"... Stay out of this..." Hamtaro tightened his paws. Spike grinded his teeth, feeling his ribs ready to shatter.  
  
"I SAID STOP!!!" Cappy began to grow bigger, doubling in size. Suddenly, Cappy's skin and fur transformed into unbreakable metal. Feeling the transformation was complete, the metallic Cappy grabbed the Haminator's wrists and squeezed, forcing his mechanized hands to release Spike. Hamtaro screamed, feeling his wrists were squeezed as bad as his mechanized counterpart. Cappy leaped into the air and rammed his metallic fist into the Haminator's head. Cappy then followed with a left and another right cross. The Haminator felt his powerful blow, wobbled from the strike and backed off a bit.  
  
Penelope teleported right between Cappy and Spike. The little ham-ham felt awed from the incredible size of the mecha ham-ham.  
  
"Penelope, teleport that human with the others. HURRY!!"  
  
"OKWEE!" Penelope leapt on top of Spike's head and closed her eyes. In a second, rings of light surrounded the two like ripples from a pond. In a flash, Spike and Penelope disappeared.  
  
"Cappy, do you realize what you've just done?" Hamtaro asked.  
  
"Yes. I had Spike and all the ham-hams teleported to Bijou so they can be healed. Your rampage is gonna get you nowhere!" Cappy said.  
  
"You didn't see what Spike did to the others. He nearly killed our friends! There's no way I could forgive him for that!" Hamtaro said.  
  
"Hamtaro, listen to yourself. This isn't like you at all! Please, just get out of that machine so we can-"  
  
Hamtaro cut off Cappy's words with a hammer-blow down Cappy's head. The blow shook the whole ship, but it didn't take Cappy out of the game. Cappy slowly came out of the crater from the Haminator's mighty fist, shaking off the attack.  
  
"... traitor..." Hamtaro whispered to himself.  
-----------  
In Spike's personal quarters, most of the Bebop gang and the Ham-Ham Clubhouse were lying on the floor, doing their best to recover from the carnage they threw at one another. Bijou thoroughly checked on her patients, ham-hams and humans alike, to see how they're progressing. Penelope teleported next to the sleeping Faye, bringing in the latest patient.  
  
"Oh no! This is terrible! What happened to that human?" Bijou asked.  
  
"O... okwee..." Penelope said sadly.  
  
"I see. Hamsters hurting humans. Humans hurting hamsters. Why can't we ever resolve our problems without such ridiculous violence?" Bijou hopped onto the semi-conscious Spike while he lied in bed next to Faye. Bijou opened his eye-lid and examined his eye.  
  
"Good. He's not hurt as badly as the others. I'll get him back into shape in no-time." Bijou raised her paws over Spike and closed her eyes. Rays of blue light glowed out of her hands and shined over Spike. The cowboy felt his strength returning as he felt the warm light.  
  
"Okwee? Okwee??" Penelope asked.  
  
"I do not want to take sides, Penelope. Fighting will never solve any problem, and I refuse to take part of such nonsense," Bijou said.  
  
"Penelope, I know you did a lot, transporting all our ham-ham friends here to be treated. But can you please teleport back to Cappy and Hamtaro? I'm beginning to worry about them. They should be back by now." Bijou said.  
  
"...There's... there's no need for that..." Beatened nearly to a pulp, Cappy limped into Spike's personal quarters towards Bijou. Feeling a major shock, Bijou ran to Cappy and helped him lie comfortably next to the other ham-hams. Boss let out a painful groan as he felt Cappy lie next to him.  
  
"CAPPY, WHAT HAPPENED?! Where's Hamtaro?" Bijou asked.  
  
"... Hamtaro... he's out of his mind... Human Extinction... " Cappy whispered.  
  
"What are you saying, Cappy?" Bijou asked.  
  
"Hamtaro got into a monstrous mecha he called the Haminator. When he saw how one of the humans nearly annihilated our fellow ham-hams, he lost it. He and his Haminator teleported out of the ship through advanced technology and is now in outer space. I felt so terrified when I saw him out there in space. He was like the Angel of Death in armor.  
  
"Bijou... He's... he's gonna wipe out the human race."  
  
Cappy's words turned Bijou's blood ice-cold.  
  
"... no. Not Hamtaro. He... he's not capable of such things!" Bijou asked.  
  
"Sorry, little lady, but it's true. And I'm gonna stop the little bastard!" Feeling fully recovered, Spike got up from bed and headed for the hangar. Bijou ran after Spike.  
  
"Please don't do it, sir! I love Hamtaro with all my heart! Please, I beg of you..."  
  
"Look, ham-ham. I appreciate you helping me out, but I got a crazy hamster to stop! If I don't stop him, there's no telling how many lives he will wipe out! I won't let him do it! I... I won't let him hurt any of my friends..." Spike passed right by Bijou and stomped his way to the hangar, preparing for perhaps the hardest battle of his entire life.  
  
A tear streamed down Bijou's eyes.  
  
"There has to be another way..."  
-------  
The Gundam Haminator let its wings spread out in space, spreading with a tremendous 50 feet wingspan. The cold shell stared coldly down the planet Mars, eyes of hate on the terra-formed colonies.  
  
"... all humans must die..." Hamtaro whispered to himself. The Haminator's right shoulder opened and out of his shoulder came out a menacing cannon. The gundam took out the cannon, rested it on its shoulder and it right at the the center of the largest Mars colony.  
  
A red ship flew towards the Haminator with fantastic speed and fired a blue beam at the Gundam. The blue beam blasted the Haminator right in the left shoulder. Hamtaro screamed from the blast as his Haminator's shoulder whipped from the powerful blow. Hamtaro checked on his sensors to find the attacker. To his left, he saw a red ship that was built for speed and great flying agility.  
  
In the cockpit was a young man in blue, one eye on his mortal enemy.  
  
"Hey there, little critter. Sorry, but I can't let you do that. That's my home planet, and nobody gets to mess with it."  
  
"... I'm not gonna let you ruin my chance for revenge of what you did to my friends! WHAT YOUR PEOPLE DID TO US YEARS AGO!!!" The Haminator aimed his humongous cannon at Spike and fired. A red ray headed right towards the Swordfish II, heading right for the cockpit.  
  
"THIS WILL BE THE LAST DANCE YOU'LL EVER TAKE, HUMAN!!!"  
... to be concluded.  
Hi, everyone! Bleeding Wings here. I really hope you're enjoying this fic so far. I know it's all goofy and stuff, but I want to also send an important message to you readers as well. Hopefully, I'll be able to write one of the coolest battles ever in Cowboy Bebop fanfic history! Let me know how I'm doing, okay? Ja ne! 


	10. The Dust Settles! Peace Reigns Once Mor...

The Swordfish II and the Gundam Haminator battled throughout the stars, looking like two cosmic beings fighting for parts of the galaxy. Hamtaro's Haminator blasted his cannon at the Swordfish, aiming right for the cockpit. With lightning-quick reflexes, Spike pulled the stick with all his might. The Swordfish II climbed high, evading the blast and letting an asteroid take the hit. The asteroid exploded on impact, reduced to nothing but rubble. Spike felt the force of Hamtaro's power and felt his Swordfish II get thrown from such firepower. Grinding his teeth, Spike regained control, turned his red fighter ship rightwards and fired away with his rapid-fire machine guns mounted on his wings. Hamtaro barrel-rolled out of Spike's barrage and fired back with Vulcan guns mounted on the Haminator's head. With a yelp, Spike switched onto his side-rockets and blasted right out of Hamtaro's attack.  
  
"Son of a BITCH! It's his first time he's out here in space, yet he's fighting as though he's been in aerial combat for over 50 years! HOW CAN THIS BE POSSIBLE?" Spike asked himself. In a flash, the Haminator quickly flew up-close to the Swordfish. The eyes of rage seared right into Spike's eyes from within the Haminator.  
  
"Eyes on me, HUMAN!" Hamtaro wielded a 10-ton warhammer and swung his hammer in an upward motion into the Swordfish's nose. Spike let out a scream from the incredible blow and felt his Swordfish spin out of control. Shaking off the attack, Spike turned on his rear boosters and halted the spinning. With Hamtaro in his sight, Spike pulled the trigger and fired a ferocious blue ray out of the nose cannon. The ray shot right on target, hitting the Haminator square into the chest, an inch away from the heart. Hamtaro screamed horribly from the blast, knelt down and clutched his chest, feeling blood pouring out of his mouth.  
  
"I'm. I'm not that easy to defeat! For all my friends, I won't rest until I spill human blood. ESPECIALLY YOURS!!!"  
  
-------------------  
On the Bebop, Bijou, Cappy and Penelope watch the brutal battle in outer space. From their point of view, it was like watching two shining stars colliding into one another and lighting space with balls of fire.  
  
"This has got to stop! All this violence isn't to help anyone!" Bijou said.  
  
"I know. I tried to talk sense into Hamtaro, but the rage within is too great! There's just no getting through to him," Cappy said. Cappy winced a bit in pain from Hamtaro's assault. Penelope came up from behind and rubbed the pain in his shoulders.  
  
The weight of the battle fell heavily on Bijou's shoulders. A human who's on his way to finding a heart. A hamster who's on the verge of losing his soul. Feeling her hope slipping away, Bijou got down on her knees, closed her eyes and pressed her paws together.  
  
"I pray that this conflict between humans and ham-hams ends now. Violence only begets more violence, and even up to now they still fight. I pray that this human has the heart to stop fighting and show mercy. I pray. that my dear Hamtaro will lay his sword down. I. I lost so many people in my life. Please don't let me lose my ham-ham friends. Please don't . let me lose the one I love the most."  
  
All of a sudden, a shining light flashed right before the little ham-hams. Boss, Stan, Sandy, and eventually all the ham-hams who lost to Spike slowly opened their eyes and saw where the light was coming from. None of them were prepared to see whom the light was surrounding.  
  
"It's. it's him." Boss said, awed by the newcomer's aura.  
  
-----------  
  
The Swordfish II flew on hot pursuit on the Haminator throughout the Asteroid Belt. Spike felt his heart pump as he continued to fire his chain guns on the Haminator. The Haminator flew around the asteroids, hoping that it could lose Spike. However, Spike showed no sign of letting up.  
  
"DIE!!!" Spike squeezed the trigger. A mighty blue beam blasted right out of the Bebop and connected with the Haminator's rocket-boosters. Hamtaro screamed from the horrible blast, feeling his own back incinerated like his gundam. The Haminator spun out of control and crashed into an asteroid. After the Haminator felt its head get smashed by the enormous rock, the Haminator dangled helplessly into space.  
  
Spike breathed heavily and gently let go of the trigger.  
  
". is it over? Please let it be over," Spike said to himself. In a split second, the Haminator kicked itself away from the asteroid behind it and landed on top of the Swordfish II. The Haminator, bleeding out battery acid, wrapped its powerful arms around the cockpit of the Swordfish II and tighten its squeeze. Spike watched helplessly as the controls are letting out harsh sparks.  
  
". you're good, human. Real good. Since I can't blow up one world at a time." Hamtaro pressed a few buttons on the main controls. Three red digits popped right in front of Hamtaro's eyes.  
  
//Gargantuan Detonation in 5 minutes//  
  
The numbers began to decrease.  
  
". I will wipe out this entire universe with one blow!!" Hamtaro screamed.  
  
"ARE YA NUTS?!? You're going to destroy all life?! You kill yourself, then all you're gonna do is kill your own friends!" Spike yelled.  
  
". they'll thank me for it. At least they won't have to live in agony under human persecution anymore." Hamtaro responded.  
  
Spike pressed all the buttons he could, hoping he could find some way to get him off the Swordfish II and kill the damn hamster!  
  
//Three minutes to total annihilation//  
  
Hamtaro watched the countdown, waiting for the digit "0" to come up.  
  
Spike came up with one final option.  
  
"GAME OVER, YA WACKO HAMSTER!" Spike screamed. Spike kicked the engines with all his might. The rear thrusters ingnited like never before out of the Swordfish II. The red fighter jet blasted right through the Asteroid Belt and dodged the rocks with amazing agility. Spike saw the biggest Asteroid he's ever seen, putting a smile on his face.  
  
//One minute to total annihilation//  
  
Spike climbed when he flew underneath the asteroid. As he continued to climb, Spike squeezed Hamtaro's Haminator between the Swordfish II and the asteroid! Hamtaro screamed as his back was feeling the same excruciating pain the Haminator did, feeling the gundam's back getting torn apart from the rock.  
  
Reluctantly, the Haminator finally released the Swordfish II. The red jet weakly turned 180 degrees and faced the Haminator. Spike checked on the status of his ship. What he found out wiped the smile off his face.  
  
"I'm running out of air. And the windows are starting to crack. Boy, my day sure can't get any better," Spike said. Once more, Spike gets to stare Death in the eyes. However, he knew deep inside that this time Death may get the last laugh. In the Haminator, Hamtaro could barely open his left eye, and his forehead was caked with blood, no thanks to the damage the Haminator suffered.  
  
"Gargantuan bomb neutralized. life support failing. Oh well. at least I won't have to exist in this dark world anymore." Hamtaro whispered to himself.  
  
A bright light flashed in-between the Swordfish II and the Haminator. In the center of that light was a hamster sleeping peacefully. Sleeping under a warm blanket.  
  
The bright light grew at tremendous speed, absorbing both the Swordfish and the Haminator. In a flash, the Swordfish and the Haminator disappeared.  
  
----------------------  
  
"Spike! Spike, speak to me!"  
  
Spike slowly opened his eyes. Soon, he realized that he was lying on the couch in the main lounge of the Bebop. Spike quickly got up on his couch and wildly looked around.  
  
"WHAT?? HOW DID I? WHERE?" Spike asked.  
  
"Spike, calm down. It's okay," Faye said.  
  
Spike couldn't believe whom he just heard. Sitting next to Spike was Faye Valentine, alive and well.  
  
"FAYE!" Spike exclaimed. Feeling joy all over, Spike gave Faye a big hug.  
  
"Oh, am I glad to see you!" Spike said. Then he saw Jet, Edward and Ein huddling around him.  
  
"YOU'RE ALL RIGHT! That means that it's all a dream!" Spike said. Spike hugged Jet, Edward, Ein and Faye again.  
  
"Spike, this isn't a-"  
  
"Dude, I had the strangest dream! More alike a nightmare! I dreamt that every one of you ended up like a total mess, no thanks to HAMSTERS! Jet was the most messed up of all-"  
  
"Uh, Spike. you weren't dre-"  
  
"Just a sec, Jet. Then I kicked all the hamsters' ass, one by one! We had a climactic battle out in space and-"  
  
"Spike." Spike turned his attention to Faye. What she was pointing at were 13 hamsters, all huddling on one couch.  
  
The sight of the Ham-Ham Clubhouse made his world freeze before his very eyes.  
  
"Now, calm down Spike. Sit back and relax so we could-"  
  
"WHERE'S MY FLAMETHROWER, JET?! I'M GONNA BURN THOSE HAMSTERS AND WATCH THE BUGGERS DIE!!!" Spike screamed.  
  
"You will do no such thing."  
  
The Bebop posse and the Ham-Ham Clubhouse saw who was speaking. In-between the two groups was a hamster surrounded by a bright light and snuggling comfortably under a blanket.  
  
"It's. It's Snoozer." Hamtaro whispered.  
  
"Quite right you are, Hamtaro. As you all can see, I have found two very important elements in my life: the Great Spirit and total Enlightenment. While I slept in the capsules like you ham-hams did, I was searching for the truth, the truth that made life the way it was meant to be.  
  
"However, none of you were able to find the truth. Instead, all my fellow ham-hams and the humans gave in to rage and violence and were therefore blinded by the truth."  
  
". wow. Your wisdom is beyond belief!" Maxwell said.  
  
"And it can be yours too, if you want to give in to the Great Spirit and Enlightenment. There's just one rule that will help you leave this dark path and finally live in peace."  
  
"What is it? PLEASE tell us!" everyone exclaimed.  
  
"Treat your neighbors as you would want to be treated. I healed you all so every one of you can have a new beginning together. Snooze, Snooooooooze.."  
  
After speaking his final thought, Snoozer vanished into thin air.  
  
". it was Snoozer that saved that human and I in space. He suffered the same way we all did, yet he still has room for joy. Man, how I envy him." Hamtaro said to himself.  
  
Edward felt a smile widen on her face.  
  
"HEY, EVERYBODY! LET'S BURY THE HATCHET AND GO TO CHUCKY CHEESE'S! RIGHT ON GANDYMEDE!"  
  
"AWRIGHT!!!" everyone exclaimed.  
  
-----------------------  
  
On Gandymede, the Bebop gang and the Ham-Ham Clubhouse were having more fun than anyone else who lived five lifetimes at the greatest entertainment center: Chucky Cheese's! Sandy and Stan were playing "Tekken 99" controlling Marshall Law together while Cappy, Penelope, Howdy, Dexter and Pashmina were playing miniature golf. Jet and Ein were playing their favorite game machine: Bash Da Hamster! Whenever a mechanical hamster popped its head out, Jet and Ein try to be quick enough to smash them with their enormous mallets.  
  
However, Oxnard, Boss, Maxwell and Panda decided to take the fake hamsters' places.  
  
"Hey, baldie! I'm right over here!" Oxnard yelled. Jet smashed his mallet with great might, but Oxnard hid in his hole.  
  
"Over here, SLOWPOKE!" Maxwell screamed. Jet swung his mallet down again, and again he missed. Boss popped out of his hole.  
  
"Come on, Jet. You can do-" Ein held his mallet with his teeth and bashed Boss' skull right through the machine. Boss slowly came out of "Bash Da Hamster", his head looking like it got ran over by a dump truck.  
  
". nice one, Ein." Boss said before collapsing.  
  
Meanwhile, Spike and Faye's wait for the pizza finally ended. The waitress in a cute red dress brought them a king-size pizza with pepperoni and sausage.  
  
"Here you go, you two. Enjoy!" the waitress said. Spike licked his watering lips and put his napkin around his neck. Faye smiled and brought a slice to Spike's mouth.  
  
"I knew it would be your favorite, Spike. This whole pizza is just for you." Faye said.  
  
"AWRIGHT! Thanks, Faye!" Spike responded. When Spike was about to take a bite, another waitress wearing a very skimpy red dress came to their table and handed them another pizza with bell peppers and beef toppings.  
  
"Uh, miss, we didn't order this pi- oh. my. gosh." Spike realized who the waitress really was, and through his eye she looked so fine in a dress. Spike was lost of words. With eyes glittering, Edward sat really close to Spike, letting their hips touch.  
  
". well, what do you think, Spike? What do you find more appealing? My pizza I ordered for you? Or what I'm wearing." Edward said, giving Spike a wink. Spike slowly turn his eye away from Edward and felt some heat rush to his face.  
  
Faye felt her teeth grind. The purple-haired beauty pulled Edward by the ear and forced her out of her seat, becoming a wall between Spike and Edward.  
  
"Edward what do you think you're doing?"  
  
"I'm giving Spike all the goods you can't provide, old lady."  
  
"OLD LADY?! Look, KID! Why don't you go play some video games or your laptop or something?"  
  
"You know what, Faye? Spike needs a REAL woman! Not an ugly toothless GRANDMA like you!"  
  
".. Oh, you're in for a lot of pain, little girl."  
  
"Bring it on, GRANDMA! You can take those implants, stick it up sideways and SHOVE IT STRAIGHT UP YOUR CANDY A-" Faye let out a war-cry and tackled Edward to the ground. Faye got on top of Edward and tried to rip Edward's dress off. Edward switched positions with Faye and stretched Faye's mouth wider than her head.  
  
Enjoying the scene, Spike took a bite out of a slice of bell peppers and beef and a slice of pepperoni and sausage on his plate. He then took an even bigger bite out of Edward's pizza.  
  
A red beam blasted throughout the entertainment center, coming from the miniature gold course. Then a sonic blast erupted from the golf course as well. Dexter and Howdy stared at each other with raging intent. Howdy got his gums ready while Dexter set his Visor to overkill.  
  
"YOU MADE ME MISS THE HOLE, YA BLOCKHEAD!" Howdy screamed.  
  
"No need for excuses concerning your incompetence, Howdy. It was your own fault," Dexter responded.  
  
"Admit it! You made me miss so Pashmina would go for you instead of me! I'll blast ya to the next MILLENIUM!" Howdy shouted.  
  
"I'M GONNA LAYETH THE SMACKDOWN ON YA, YA FREAK WITH A BROOM!"  
  
"WHATCHA GONNA DO, BROTHER, WHEN HAMSTERMANIA RUNS WILD ON YOU!!!!!"  
  
The red beams and the sonic blasts continued to lay havoc to half of Chucky Cheese's, having everyone except the Bebop gang and the Clubhouse run for their lives. Many of the Ham-Hams tried to break up the fight between Howdy and Dexter while Jet tried to separate Faye and Edward. Hamtaro hopped onto Spike's table and slowly shook his head.  
  
"Oh, boy. Snoozer never said that we're gonna learn to love one another in a flash," Hamtaro said.  
  
"No kiddin'. Where's your girlfriend?" Spike asked.  
  
"She's swimming in the toilet in the Ladies' Room. She hasn't taken a bath in 70 years, so taking a dip in the bowl would have her smellin' like roses. I hope whoever sits there will take a look before using it," Hamtaro said.  
  
"Hey, Spike?"  
  
"Yeah, Hamtaro?  
  
"I'm. I'm sorry about what I did to you back on your ship. I'm even more sorry about trying to obliterate the universe."  
  
"Aw, it's okay. You're forgiven, little fella."  
  
"Gee, thanks! Uh. Don't we think you should stop them from fighting?" Hamtaro asked, wincing at the sight of Edward sinking her teeth into Faye's butt. Hamtaro sets his eyes on the other battle, seeing Howdy perform Brock Lesnar's "F-5" on Dexter.  
  
". naw. I'm enjoyin' this moment, Hamtaro. Good thing I brought my Kodak camera."  
  
-------------------  
  
In the Bebop, Spike sat at his desk and wrote in a cute, red journal with a drawn hamster on his cover. The one-eyed cowboy smiled to himself as he continued to write and let Hamtaro sit on his desk and eat a sunflower seed.  
  
(. and right before I was about to obliterate the mechanized monster, through strange circumstances, we became friends. Most of the Ham-Hams decided to leave the Bebop and become a group of their own. I think they called themselves the X-Hams, since they're not technically normal hamsters anymore. Fortunately, four little hamsters decided to stay with us: Hamtaro, Bijou, Cappy and Penelope. What's also more fortunate is that the huge hunk of metal I had to tangle with is still intact. Jet's so dying to make that thing work again, feeling that he could give major upgrades. Who knows? Maybe my little friend can be a big help to me instead of a big burden.) Spike said to himself, writing everything he thought up.  
  
(I'll always be your friend, Spike, even if I don't have my Haminator anymore. And no matter how far in space the X-Hams are, we'll always be friends. I'm so glad everything worked out.) Hamtaro said to himself.  
  
Smiling, Spike gently picked Hamtaro up and brought his little nose to his.  
  
"I may not be like your previous owner, but I'll do my best in taking care of you. As a matter of fact, we can watch each other's backs whenever one of us gets into trouble. Today sure was a great day. I got a feeling that tomorrow will be even better! Right, Hamtaro?"  
  
"Heh-keh?" Hamtaro said.  
  
Spike and all his friends learned a very important lesson: rage never makes you stronger. All rage can do is blind you from you from the truth, the truth being that love is the ultimate strength.  
The End.  
A/N. Hi, guys. Sorry I took so long in writing the conclusion to this story. This is the only story where I didn't take anything seriously and just let loose. Unfortunately, this is my final fic for fanfiction.net. I learned the hard way that I overstayed my welcome in this site. It's time for me to move on to greater challenges, writing original works of my own. I want to thank all who have read and reviewed my fanfics. That helped inspire me to create my own original stories. Through all who have reviewed my fics, I learned that I didn't write my fanfics in vain.  
  
Again, thank you all.  
-Bleeding Wings- 


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